I have been thinking a lot about the life that we choose to live as people on this earth. In reflecting on my own personal life I have found that though I may not always have, get, or be where I WANT in my life, I truly have, am, and will always receive exactly what I NEED! Maybe before having children I was ignorant to this, but now as a Mama, I am simply Thankful.
I have a roof over my head. It may not be a huge roof but it is a roof and four walls. I am warm when it is cold outside.(Hardly ever in FL) I am cool when it is hot outside. My husband and I became very close, too close, to being homeless 8 months ago. I am thankful to have a place to call home. It is the love and the family that makes a house a home, not the house.
I have the most amazing, loving, loyal and hard working husband anyone could wish for. I know he is quite the catch and the type of man he is is most definitely far and few between. My husband is open hearted and kind to a fault. He trust everyone until they burn him and give him a reason not to be trusted. I on the other hand feel that Trust is something to be earned. He works his A** off to provide for our family. He adores every inch of me, even the extra pounds that wont shake so easily after this pregnancy. He gives to everyone and never seeks ANYTHING in return. He is always encouraging me to do the things that I am passionate about.
In the hustle and bustle of parenthood it is very easy to get "Off Track" with your spouse. Especially with no babysitters handy! Some people simply fall off track and never look back, they just keep running in their opposite directions until they are so far away from the track they built together, it is out of sight completely. Others immediately realize they have fallen off their track and jump right back on track. Everyone's situation is unique to them,but adding children to any relationship really puts things into a whole new perspective. Marriage is Hard. Parenting is Hard.
When my husband and I first started dating, I told him when we had children, I wanted to be home to raise them if at all possible. Luckily, he felt the same. I am so thankful to have him in my life. He is sole provider in our household and we sacrifice a lot to be able to have me home with the kids, but in the end it is the Love that makes it all worthwhile. His love for me. Our love for the children. My love for him. In a way he has given me one of the best gifts of my life. Time. Time to be with our children. That is Priceless!
Yesterday, I was in Walmart and the gentleman in front of me had a few items: Dish soap, Laundry Detergent, and play doh. Grayson saw the play doh and got super excited, so I asked the man where he found it in the store. The man was with an older man, who pointed in the back of the store and then offered to get one for me. I thought that was so nice of him and accepted his offer. Grayson was super excited. I don't normally buy him something when we shop but his play doh at home is pretty much on its last use and drying out so I was happy to splurge on the play doh this shopping trip. The man who got the play doh for me left the other gentleman at the register. The cashier finished ringing up the items and the man was trying to pay. He went through 3 credit cards, all of which declined for a $16 purchase. At that moment for some reason I felt compelled to intervene. I stepped in and took care of his purchase. Maybe it was because the other gentleman got me the play doh. It mostly was because I thought that he may have children, buying play doh and all. I couldn't bear the idea that this man could be a father and is merely trying to provide mere necessities and a little extra (Play doh) for a family and didn't have the funds. It made me think, What if it were us in that situation. Would anyone have helped me? Would I have had to put the items that I probably really needed back? In that moment I was just compelled.
I am thankful for that pure emotion. I am thankful that I can have compassion for another human being regardless of the "true" reality. I am thankful that my family and I are not in that situation (due primarily to my hard working husband!) I am thankful that I could help someone else out, even if in a small way.
After having my daughter I had visitors. My mom came for a week, all of my closest friends came for weekend trips, my husbands family helped with meals and taking Grayson out to play. A new friend dropped by our apartment while I was still in the hospital with baked Ziti, a card for me, and a card with a gift for Grayson. It was extremely thoughtful for her to do. Especially since I haven't known her for as long as my other friends. this brings me to another thing I am thankful for, my friends, old and new. These are my extended family and accept me for me. They are people who I can count on. They are people that help me keep things in perspective by reminding me of who I used to be and who I have become.
Last, and most important I am thankful for my family. My children bring a purity into my life that never existed before. They remind my husband and I to relax, Forgive, be Patient, be silly, love, laugh, and help us to see each other, and life through a whole new perspective.
As I get older I find that I am more confident in who I am and my choices, but I am also more humbled.
I may have less than most but I have more than others and I am thankful for all that I am blessed to have.
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