I was talking to one of my close gal pals about this recently and it just got me thinking about all of the women I have encountered in my life thus far.
I recently read an article in Parents magazine that had an interesting topic. It was regarding the "Mommy Wars" After reading the article I could definitely relate to the exact message that the article was relaying. Basically there is this unspoken "war" between moms who work at home or stay at home and those that work. Neither is better than the other. There are pros and cons to each of the life choices, yet moms are constantly comparing their children, each other and holding a silent judgement against one another. For what benefit? I am guilty of comparing my children to those of others but mostly because I worry so damn much about whether they are hitting certain things on target developmentally. I can honestly say that I am a huge Worry WART..Yuck! Plus have a topping of OCD. Not proud but it is true. I am not shameful to admit and most definitely am working on "Letting Go."
When I first had my son I was clueless. Most women have a pretty decent or strong figure to go to for guidance. My mother, though she did the best she could, is at best a questionable resource for information regarding my baby birds. Love her to death but not really seeking info from her first choice. So, when my son was born I embarked into the world of mommy-hood full fledged. I went to every free and not free class that we could afford. I discovered the world of Meet Up and journeyed into the land of the playgroups/ Mommy groups. Looking back I was being judged from first application on the computer.
Most of these groups require you to put a request to join. You fill out certain info and are then evaluated by, "Head Honcho" (Organizer) of the group to see if you would be a good match for their group....WTF? Okay, at first I was desperate to meet other moms and gain as much perspective on this new Mama world as I possibly could.
First group on Meet Up - Never even replied back to my request...How Rude!
Second Group on Meet Up - Approved me but group was closed before I had the chance to attend any events...So Sad :(
Third and last group on Meet Up - Great! At first anyways.
I joined and paid a yearly due to this group. It was great! I attended as many of the events as I could. I met other moms and Grayson got in a lot of play time with other kids his age. It was great. Looking back, maybe Great is just my Optimistic nature speaking. My first time meeting the group at a play date was mortifying. It was at a local Park and there must have been ...oh .... a DOZEN other groups meeting! I had to literally go around the park asking if they were with this particular group. Some mommies were friendly and even told me about their groups. Others looked at me like I had 12 heads and quite literally did not acknowledge my presence!
When I met the main group members, they were friendly for the most part. As I was involved more and more in the group I started making observations. A lot of moms were full throttle on their opinions of other moms in the group. Though some were friendly there was a clear message sent across that certain members were "Sorority Sisters" so to speak and no one was getting into that click. As I partook in the events of the group, I decided after a year of being a member that I no longer wanted to partake. These were grown women and acted a lot like teenagers in High School. I wanted friendships, to bond with other mamas, Grayson to be around kids frequently,to learn from others and to discover new places to take Grayson. Not a trip down memory lane revisiting High School type Drama. In a whole, the group was not for me. Being Positive, I can say that I learned of some really great places to take Grayson from the group. I really wouldn't have known where to look had I not been involved with this playgroup. A Huge Thanks to them for that! Also, I walked away with a few good Mama friends who have been a great resource for me and good all around support.
Since becoming a Mama, I have encountered many other Mothers. Some very warm and open, but sadly too many rude, judgmental, and closed. I am sad that women are not more united. I always thought that having a child would create many more friendships for me because that is a baseline for commonality. Having children and being moms. Going thru the same or similar obstacles and challenges. Sadly, I have only learned that many grown Women act like High School and College Socialites. Many Women will not let you into their "Group" based on whichever judgement they choose.
I always thought that Women would be more supportive of one another in this new Mommy realm, but realized that is not true. Now instead of being judged by my appearance, the clothes I wear, my social status, and financial status. I am also judged silently for my children's achievements, looks, and the choices I make as a mother. It is hard enough raising children with the judgement that is fueled by Hatred in this World.
Since becoming a Mother, I have grown and matured in ways that I didn't even realize I needed to. I have become more humble and kind hearted. I have become more stressed and worried. Most importantly I have increased my ability to learn and love. I have revisited the importance of generosity and patience. I now choose whom I let into my Life and what friendships I maintain and begin. I am thankful for the Women that I have in my Life today. For all others, Mamas or Not...To each their own! I may not agree or disagree, I place no judgement thee...It just isn't for me or my cup of tea!
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