La Bare...If you Dare...my experience at least

I do not have my frequent flyer miles when it comes to "Ladies" clubs. I think I have been to one male review several years ago and it was for one of my best friend's mother's bachelorette party...I think. Maybe just a night out?! A very long time ago to say the least. My only recollection of the evening was that there were tons of ladies screaming as though they have never seen a man half naked before and sweaty men who loved to dance and drip their perspiration all over you. Ehhhh! That is pretty much how I felt back then.

Bring it ahead,oh fifteen years later. I feel like I had no real expectations other than sweaty men who would dance on top of me, giving me a much needed sweat shower (just kidding about the much needed part)!
We started the evening with the normal genital paraphernalia such as straws and very yummy
Rings, shot glass necklaces, the bachelorette sash and a scavenger hunt for the Bride-to-Be. We headed out to dinner first. Enjoyed good food, good conversation and a bottle of wine. I learned about a Sausage Song.....Oh Boy!!! I guess I am reaching the archaic age because I had NO clue what the sausage song was all about. Minus 10 cool points for me. Thank You to YouTube for always staying in the "Now" because all it took was a quick search on my phone and BAM! Sausage Songs galore. I did however know what the term smash/smashing meant. Plus 10 points??!

 

I really don't get the point of what all these young kids are trying to portray with this sausage song (As a mother a lot disturbing)!

After dinner, we headed out to La Bare. Past the place but finally reached our destination. At first appearance it looks like a hole in the wall. It didn't look busy and we already had a "Plan B" just in case. I was actually surprised to see that the cashier, hostess (?) and calendar distributor (?) were females. I guess I assumed that it would be an ALL male establishment. My friend had tried to call on several occasions to reserve a table for the evening but they never answered the phone and the VM box was full. It was a $15 entrance fee, but the honoree received not only $0 entrance fee but a complimentary bottle of champagne (no need for excitement, it wasn't great champagne at all). The hostess (?) asked us if we wanted to purchase a dance for the guest of honor. How could we pass that by?? Of course we were game for this. The inside was dark and small nothing fancy at all. To the right a bar, down a few steps were several small round tables with chairs facing the stage. To the right and left (next to the DJ) were the "special" tables for reservation booked packages. We were sat and brought our complimentary champagne. I also purchased a glass of Cabernet that cost $11.00 plus tip. We were front and center with all the action. The room was small and filled not only with smoke from the stage but also from all the smokers in the room (as a non-smoker, this kinda sucked).
The dancers began their serenades: each coming from behind the curtain with an introduction from the DJ, aromatic cologne and fog (for dramatic effect).  We had the pleasure of seeing a Cowboy, Italian Stallion, Mexican Mariachi Lover, a Fifty Shades of Grey trio, Boys from the Hood trio, Hawaiian Lay Men, LL Cool J, The man with "special" muscles, A very tall Russian who seemed to be classically trained (my opinion with all the toe pointing going on while on stage) but did a terribly odd matrix-like ballet rendition, (to give him props, it takes gusto to get on that stage, not do as great as the other men and still have to stick around on the perimeter stages) and let us not forget Superman!
Our bachelorette shined bright like a diamond on stage when she received her stage dance by (I can't remember his name so for the sake of the nice body type and good dance moves, I will call him Magic Mike)!
Some men clearly were a crowd-pleaser: "special" muscles, Superman, Magic Mike etc. There was a moment when I went to the ladies room and returned to a WTF is going on experience. A woman was blind folded and handcuffed with three  masked , Fifty Shades of Grey/matrix looking men with whips. I literally had a second of, "what is going on and where am I?" happen in my head. I must admit that though some of the dancers knew how to actually perform, were quite easy on the eyes and smelled sexy, I had a hard time with this whole experience. I felt like we were all rabid females waiting to gnaw into the raw meat on stage. It was a very feral and strange experience for me. I surprisingly was very shy and coy with the whole experience. For the record, I did not expect to be that way.
The last dancer we watched prior to leaving at around 12:30am/1:00am (the time flew) was Superman. He came out and did a dance on stage for another Bride-to-Be and let's just say the women were on him like fleas to a dog, maggots to poo, flies to garbage! He came out with the whole Clark Kent look and had the whole "boy next door, shy guy" thing going for him. There was literally a wait to give him dolla dolla bills ya'll!
I now know to drink A LOT more prior to going back so that I have a  more relaxed experience, bring a full body cover to keep the cigarette smoke from seeping into my skin (just kidding-well the cigarette smoke is gross, but I am not going to wear a body cover. Come on, who does that?!) and to go with no expectations because clearly all dancers are not created equal, there will be shy ladies just like me and ravenous women foaming at the lips, but at the end of a night at La Bares its all about sexy smelling men, eye candy, dolla dolla bills and just having FUN! After all, girls Just wanna have fun! All in all our honoree had a BLAST and that is what truly counts. We all left with a free calendar and our honoree left with a photo to remember the evening.  So my dear Waleska, I hope that you enjoyed your evening but more importantly enjoy the rest of your life married to your best friend, your love, your King. Smooches!!