1 - "Let Me Help."....Does Would You like me to Help Count? This is very hard to NEVER say. Really, I don't say Let me Help, but I do imply a variation of that...OFTEN! I realize your children are building their much needed independence and need to learn how to problem solve.........BUUUUUUUTTTTT. Every now and again they need the reassurance that they can count on you. Right?
2- "Great Job." - Oh Boy! This one is a splinter in my ...finger! Undoubtedly I don't think that I can NEVER say this to my children. Again, I don't typically say Great Job, but Good Job, Great work, and That's Awesome (Still a variation of Great Job).
3-"Be Careful." - What??? How the hell can any caring, worried, over cautious, hover mom NEVER say these words?? My son is accident prone..so much so that I may nickname him Bruiser! Those words, Be Careful, are an extension of my being. A hair follicle, major organ, taste bud, or Heart. I utter those words quite literally everyday! This one is going to be a HUGE challenge that is sure to spike up some Ally McBeal moments in my imaginative head. I really liked that show. I mean this one is going to be just as tough as holding a stool in when you gotta go but are driving and don't have access to a bathroom facility. Do you know how HARD that is?! (TMI...Yup Probably!)
4-"You're OK." - I completely agree with this one and really don't have any trouble with NEVER saying this one. My dear hubster on the other hand....according to this article, he needs to work on it. Listen, when kids are crying or upset.There.Is.A.Reason. It may not be the most reasonable reason (in our minds as parents) a reason nevertheless.
5-"Practice Makes Perfect." - Again I agree with this as well. Quite Frankly. Practice Does not make PERFECT! First of all someone Pppleeeeeease explain to me what PERFECTION is exactly! I see it all the time in Mama-land. Children being pushed to do things that they may not be interested in. Children being forced into the lives that their parents never had, but maybe always dreamed of. This is so sad to me. I am all about putting your children into extra curricular classes to see what they may thrive in, but more importantly what they will LOVE. Just because they are Thriving in one area doesn't necessarily mean they enjoy doing it. Practicing may help you achieve better results than when you first attempted but by no means will it accomplish perfection. What really is perfection?!
6- "Hurry Up." - I am Guilty as charged with this one. Especially when we are running late for preschool or a doctor appointment. This one will take a little getting used to but won't be too hard to release into the word-sphere!
7-"No dessert unless you finish your dinner." - Hmmm...well....We NEVER say this in our household. We simply do not offer dessert on a daily basis. Dessert is more of a "Special" treat that we may indulge in as a family. We may get ice cream once a week, have a lollipop after lunch every now and then, or enjoy cake at a birthday party. Usually, if G-Man hasn't touched much of his food I try not to make a big deal or force the issue, but if he is asking for something sweet I let him know that if he is still hungry enough to eat sweets then he can eat what is on his plate. This sometimes results in him refusing to finish his dinner but most of the time the child eats really well. He usually will eat a snack before bed but it is almost always some type of fruit. So this one is easy peasy!
8-"We can't afford that." - I agree to NEVER say this, though I can see how it is difficult especially in today's society. I feel quite frankly that our monetary situation is not of our children's concern. It is not their fault or responsibility to feel any type of burden or lack there of due to our financial mishaps or endeavors. G-man seems to think that whatever he wants he will get from grandma. Literally, he will see a toy or anything he may be interested in and immediately say to me, "Tell Grandma.Get that for me." I have no control over the "Things" that my children receive over the years. I can only hope that teaching them to donate, give, be thankful, and appreciate will stick in their veins. I always let Grayson know that just because we are shopping does not mean we are going to buy _____________.
9-"Don't Talk to Strangers." - Yup! I say this one, but didn't realize why I shouldn't until speaking with a law enforcement personnel. This was and is an easily corrected NEVER say for myself because now I better understand the reasoning behind the better alternative verbage. To little ones Stranger doesn't necessarily exists. They see someone who smiles at them and they may suddenly feel inclined to talk to them or hug them. Though you have never met this person before and they are indeed strangers, children have no judgement and naturally are kind spirited. This is a wonderful innocence to have but as a parent I know better. I know that with as much Good in the world there unfortunately will be evil. However, I do not want my children to judge anyone based on anything other than the character and true nature of a person. Well that and their own instinct. With that said I don't want them to be taken advantage of or harmed either. I want them to trust their instincts and GUT feelings. I want them to be smart about situations, decisions, and people they surround themselves with. I am in constant teacher mode with the different tactics that can be taught to help keep children safe. I can only instill and communicate to my best capability and hope that what I am teaching them will stick like Super Glue to their brains!
10 - "I'm o-n a Diet." - Okay. This will and has NEVER been uttered from my mouth. I really don't believe in dieting..I mean it has the word DIE in it! That doesn't mean that I don't think the food I choose to eat will never have any bad ramifications on my overall health. Your body is a engine that needs fuel to keep it going. If you keep putting in the cheap fuel you will get all sludgy, tired, and begin to loose your speed. If you don't fill up your engine you will not go anywhere. Just be stuck. If you fill up your engine with that good for you stuff then you will feel amazing and have tons of energy to keep going. I am a 99.9 % positive and optimistic person. I don't want any negative JuJu in my life at all. Naturally I wouldn't want my children to be exposed to negative JuJu either, especially being directly from the home front. There is enough Negative JuJu out there that is out of my control.
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What you should say alternatively -
1- "Let me help." - Instead ask guiding questions to help them find a solution. Example article gave - "Do you think the big piece or the little piece should go on the bottom? Why do you think that? Let's give it a try."
2- Only give the "Great Job" when it is really called upon and be as specific as possible. Instead of "You did Awesome," say, "It was sweet of you to help your friend clean up their toys. I appreciate you being a good helper." (Not what the article gave for example but you get the point.)
3-"Be Careful." - The article says that saying these words while your child is doing something actually causes distraction for them. Thus resulting in an accident or injury because it is at that point when you utter those words that they loose their focus in whatever they were doing. You instead say nothing and be close enough to take preventative measures if need be.
4-"You're Okay." - Instead react to what happened very matter of fact and ask what you can do o make them feel better. Magazine example - "That was a scary fall." "Would you like a band aid or a kiss?"
5- "Practice Makes Perfect." - This is a statement that puts pressure on your children to Win, Excel, or please. Thus creating the message that making mistakes is equal to failure which could then spiral into a self esteem issue. You want to instead encourage them to work hard because of the progress and how it will make them feel.
6-"Hurry Up!" - According to the article this statement creates added stress to your littles. Instead say something like, "Let's Hurry." This implies that you are all on the same level - Team.
7-"No dessert unless you finish your dinner." - Should say, "First we eat our meal and then we have dessert."
8- "We can't afford that." - according to the article, saying this will send a message that you are not in control of your finances and that is scary for kids. Plus if you say this and turn around and they see you purchase something with a hefty receipt they may call you out. (Obviously my toddler really wouldn't notice but as they get older I can see this.) They suggest that you say "We're not going to buy that because we are saving our money for more important things." Whew, say that 3 times fast!
9-"Don't talk to strangers." - The article states that instead you should create scenarios for your children to teach them what to do in certain situations.
10- "I'm on a Diet." - Keep your complaints to yourself. Expressing your dissatisfaction in your body and or self could cause your children to develop unhealthy body images.
So there ya have it! These along with oh..I don't know...probably over 1000 other obvious words or phrases that you probably should NEVER say to your children. So many people have so much advice and ultimately you are faced with only one true challenge. Don't *&%$ up your kids!
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