Well, I had my very first trip ALONE! Yes! ALONE. Without my beautiful littles and without my Hubster by my side. Why? Because we all need alone time. We all need to do some soul searching at one point or another. At some point you have to choose yourself and this has got to be okay. At some point you have to evaluate your needs and come to an understanding that it really doesn't matter what anyone else may think or feel about it. Not in a "Piss Off" type of way but more in a rehabilitation way. We all need a recharge, right? For me it was a weekend, last weekend.
I was busy but it was refreshingly so. I spent Friday the 11th with my mother and sister. Some major sisterly and motherly bonding, (both of which to be quite honest were way over due!) We had dinner at the Melting Pot and then got massages! Saturday morning was a quiet morning to myself before heading out to have breakfast with my step father, take a trip down memory lane, followed by an entire afternoon and evening with one of my longest known friends. She undoubtedly was sick of me by the end but we had some much needed therapeutic nostalgia talk. I admittedly had more than a few beers Saturday but it was spread throughout the day and evening. I am not a lush or anything but find that alcohol and television are usually my "dirty" vices. Nothing will ever be more healing than my writing but I have the distractions of television sitcoms, alcohol and lovely food to assist. By the time Sunday came around I had slept in until 8am!!!!!
**** With two littles this is a glorious time to sleep in until!****
I had a fantastic breakfast with my mother, who can actually cook. (Sorry Mom!) I then headed out and spent the afternoon shopping with a very close friend who is expecting her first child soon. After shopping, eating (one of my favorite things to do) and a quick stop for dessert. I headed back to my reality. On my drive home I blasted the radio, sang as loud as I wanted, yelled a few times just for the hell of it, rolled the windows down to feel the wind in my hair (before the down pour of our ritualistic summertime rain) I got lost in my thoughts. I enjoyed the fresh air, took time to appreciate the beauty of the world around me. (Have I lost you yet?) I just had a therapeutic break last weekend. It was refreshing, packed full and well worth the distance from my family and everyday responsibilities. A part of my soul searching journey that was required.
I get home and it was full blown Mommy and Wife mode. Cook, clean, bath, bed and plop on the couch exhausted but needing "Me time." ( How selfish of me, right? I spent the whole weekend away and after just being back for a few hours I needed more "Me" time.) Only this time, this time was different. I didn't feel as guilty. Not because I no longer care, but because I now have the clarity of realizing that in order for me to be truly the best mother and wife I can possibly be, I MUST have time to myself. It is a key ingredient to the recipe of who I am. I am more than just Mommy, Wife, Daughter, Sister etc. I am a unique individual alone. Separate from everyone and everything else. I awakened to this realization again this weekend and am incredibly thankful for this awakening.
After my trip I have continued to celebrate my Birthday! Forget just the day. It has become a whole month celebration! I met a new Mommy friend, met a possible business mentor, had another moms night (with another one planned ) and experienced my daughter pooping in the tub for the first time!
For anyone feeling lost, overwhelmed, fearful, lonely, exasperated. I have 4 key words for you: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!! I am right there alongside you. Guess what? We all feel this way at one time or another whether we like to admit it or not. We all face our own challenges with a tsunami of emotional waves to accompany them. Really. You. Are. Not. Alone. Dirty Diapers, Poop filled bath water, fingers in the nostrils, boogers on the walls, manic screaming silently in your head, guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, a desperation to recapture yourself aside from all of your other "titles." I get it. I am not shameful for these emotional waves. At least not since diving head first without any protective gear into my current soul searching journey. My only hope for you is that you too can experience the freedom from your own personal realization and awakening.
And so I leave you with Happy thoughts and sweet dreams whatever those may be for you.
Instead of pics I am going to share some music I have been listening to recently :
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