Sweet? Sad? Scary?

Today I took my littles to the playground. This was quite the feat because the big stroller was in the car that my Hubster took to work today. I knew that it would have its challenges taking the umbrella stroller, purchased at Walmart for all of $20.00 with both littles........... but we desperately needed to soak up some sunshine. I strap Starr into the stroller, attach two little bags with snacks, toys and diapers (JIC) and away we go. Before we could even exit our apartment community G-Man was declaring how tired he was. Here we go! The remainder of the walk out of our apartment complex and to the trail that leads to the park consisted of me pushing the left then right then left side of the stroller with my right hand only. My left hand had my almost three year old anchored onto my left hip. By the time we got to the hill that leads to the park (Not the Playground) I had a brief break before being requested to pick him up again. Now, I am overweight for my height and age. I should be about 115 - 120 lbs ideally. That is my healthy range. I am probably 135-140? After not even 1/2 mile I was panting and had to sway Grayson into walking a little bit. I now am in a paint, quite literally. My heart is racing in my chest and I really want to sit but do not want to look like a weak Mommy. So I continue like the champ I am! We walk and I get a little rest before "Mommy. I'm tired." And here we go again. I decided this time to switch the two. Grayson went into the cheap stroller and Starr, though not any lighter, went onto my left hip. Finally, after a 45 minute walk, which should have only taken 15-20 mins, we arrive at the Playground. YAY!! I am dancing on the inside.

Grayson played and was chased for his toy truck. As usual he had to be persuaded to share but ultimately was brave enough to do so. Yes. Brave is what it takes to share with a complete stranger at the park. To trust a stranger with one of your prized possessions. That takes bravery. To trust that you will receive your favorite toy truck back. Gusto that only a toddler could have, even if needing to be persuaded a little. He played and played. Starr crawled and got to swing a bit. There was a family that came onto the playground. The father, wife, older son and daughter. The father began play wrestling with his son and his son was laughing high like a hyena. Grayson was observing this quite closely and was engaged in their interaction so joyfully. (I'm talking the Joker Grin) I noticed this and immediately felt, in this order, how sweet, how sad, & how scary. I felt it was so sweet that he was acknowledging the boy and his father playing. He was almost as engaged in their activity as they were and had a huge smile ear to ear. Then I began to feel sad because Grayson wanted to be a part of what was going on, but not with this boy and his son. Only Grayson doesn't know this part. He just saw them playing and having fun. What he really yearned for though was this type of interaction with his Daddy! Then, I felt a little scared because of how easily my son became engaged with strangers. (The adults mostly - not the other littles) How easily he was ready to just jump right in and begin to trust this man and this little boy. Essentially how easily my G-Man would accept a stranger into his world.

We headed home after about 2 hours of playing outdoors. That was exasperating! Heading home was exhausting because Grayson was indeed tired from running around at the park. So the majority of our long walk home was with Grayson in the stroller and Starr on my hip. We did get some sunshine, fresh air and the littles had a blast! Their little smiles made this playground trip worthwhile in my book.

After the park-climbing underneath the easel