A friend recently told me that "It's the things people DON'T tell you before you become a parent that make for interesting reading," so this inspired me to make a list based on my experience of what people didn't tell me or fluffed when they did tell me:
1) " Having a baby is not easy." - FLUFFED
Having a baby HURTS!!!! I didn't have a Vaginal "Natural" or Non-Drug induced delivery so I can't speak based on that side of the childbirth, BUT...a C-Section hurts like hell! Initially, I did not feel a thing with my first. I was awake but numb up to my head. "You are going to feel a slight tug and may feel some pressure," says my Doc. Nope..not a thing. Afterwards..they want you to prance around like my little pony...the only way to get over your pain is to move. My Ass! I will take the pain pills and lay my happy ass here, please wake me when it's all gone. Wish it worked that way but it doesn't. The truth is you have to move and practice your deep inhalation breathing so that your body can heal and you don't get pneumonia/fluid in your lungs from the anesthesia and lying down so long. Walking hurt, peeing hurt, getting in and out of bed hurt...Now I wasn't in excruciating pain, I was tough about it but to say it is not easy...No Shit! My second baby was worse..there is no, oh your body will be used to it and remember from the first time so you should heal quicker...blah blah..Maybe, I bounced back a little quicker like Tigger...Wohoo! BUT...I was numb only to my breast line the second time and one side was numb lower so they had to tilt the table like labyrinth to get the anesthesia to move. Oh, and the tug....(maybe because my fertility was on death row and they had extra stuff to do in there) I felt Pressure that took my breath away...quite literally, and tugging of my tubes as they pulled..tugged..and stretched what felt like every internal organ inside my stomach. At one point I thought they omitted the tie, cut and burn and just decided to each take a hold and pull my tubes off completely. So...if anyone should tell you "Having" a baby is not easy...Don't buy into it. Accept no Fluff unless it is a Fluffernutter...YUM!
2) Being a mom is so rewarding...again FLUFF
Yes, it is rewarding BUT it is also....EXHAUSTING, EMOTIONAL, HEART BREAKING, CHALLENGING, STRESSFUL, and just plain HARD. Think about it....you are now not only responsible for yourself and your health, life, well being, overall happiness etc.... You are now responsible for this other little person. It isn't like playing house with your baby dolls...You HAVE to feed them, change their diapers, clean them, rock, soothe, burp, wipe, entertain, communicate, nurture, love, embrace, cherish, teach, reward, discipline, kiss, drive them everywhere, etc. They rely solely on their caretakers...and guess what..that would be YOU! It is a non stop full time job...but is very rewarding!
They do make you laugh, fill your heart with more love and joy than you could even dream of They remind you of humanity, and kindness, patience, hope, dreams, LOVE, innocence etc. Don't get me wrong being a mom is truly rewarding.....however it is the BUT that people neglect to tell you about.
3) News flash..kids are Gross!
Nobody tells you the nitty gritty dirty little secrets that most parents/mothers know but refuse to share because they MUST portray to the world that they are the perfect little families with exceptionally perfect and amazing little kiddies. Yes, we all want to think that our kids are the greatest gift that God could give and by all means think that. Each person be it big or small is uniquely made and has their own "specialties", "talents", and/or "gifts."
However, kids will poop fifty shades of colors, and textures, they will pee on the floor, poop on the floor, explore their private areas (much sooner than you would ever think), spit, fart, attempt to feed you regurgitated food, play with their poop, vomit (EVERYWHERE), spit up (possibly in your mouth), they will drool worse than a Saint Bernard, eat their snot if you are a second late grabbing a tissue for them or if they even see the tissue coming will slop it up like a cat drinking warm milk just in spite. Better yet may even wipe it on their hands, arm, clothes, on you, the couch...quite frankly anywhere they can find a place to burrow their little noses in. There are many more and I am sure more that I will indeed encounter as my children grow. These are just the chart toppers I have experienced thus far.
4) YOU.WILL.NEVER.SLEEP.AGAIN........EVER........
Okay, nobody tells you this. They simply advise you to sleep when your baby sleeps. Okay. Well, you may sleep when the baby sleeps on occasion, but between the night feedings and diaper changes and sick times, sleep becomes a luxury. Even when you get a cat nap or the baby sleeps thru the night the WORRY that you begin to feel once that bundle of joy arrives, will daunt you always....and usually when you should be sleeping. As a mother, I worry constantly..that is 90% more than I ever worried before. I pretty much worry all the time. As my children grow I don't worry less...it just shifts to other things I worry about. My mind will not shut off...even when I am Begging myself to ...The worry laughs its little evil laugh and consumes my mind..thus equaling to NO. SLEEP. Remember the times when you could sleep in until noon if you wanted. For me this was essentially every weekend. Not anymore! NOPE! Though, you may gain a couple of ZZZZZZ's here and there. You will still be EXHAUSTED. You will gaze at your husband who is more than likely SNORING and want to reach over and punch him in the face to wake up...just because you are awake and he is sleeping peacefully! Motherhood is Exhausting. FACT!
5) Hemorrhoids SUCK and are a pain in the Ass...Literally!
No one ever told me about getting hemorrhoids while pregnant. I did read about it because it is listed in most pregnancy literature but I like knowing first hand from a real life person who may have experienced it. This is just not something that people talk about or care to share. Even though it is a natural ailment that most people will encounter at some point in their lives but most women get the pleasure of encountering when pregnant or after childbirth. Let me explain. When you poop it will feel like you are pooping shards of glass! It will be painful and bloody. It doesn't matter the consistency of your poop, it will still feel like you are pooping shards of glass. It has been my experience that simple breathing techniques on the toilet will help..not ease any discomfort but will help. Oh and another thing...they never go away. Anytime they get a spark in your ass they will flare and cause you excruciating pain...unless you have your doctor remove them. I really haven't gotten into all that...Yet.
6) Your Body will change FOREVER.
For starters...you will suddenly have the urge to urinate as though ten babies are resting on your bladder. This does not go away after baby...at least not for me.
Your breast will either A) Plump up unnaturally as though genetically enhanced and stay that way or
B) Enlarge for their purpose and then deflate faster that a popped balloon leaving behind only flippy flop-pity breast with the only hope of a good push up bra to help bring them back to their golden age when they were "perky"
C) stay the same
You will have aches and pains that you thought would go away after pregnancy. This is probably more common in c-section deliveries..don't know. In the words of my teenage angst, depressed because of break up or other melancholy, favorite go to band, The Cranberries, "Do you have to let it linger????"
Your body will age 10 years just because you have had kids. It will creak and crack in places you didn't realize needed to be oiled.
7) Stretch Marks can happen to anyone
You are not guaranteed to get stretch marks at all but know that it is possible to get them anywhere. From your breast, stomach, thighs, to butt. After my first pregnancy, my ass looked like a giant Tiger used it as a scratching post!
8) Your relationships become harder to keep track of
Your friends who don't have kids may not get why you cant go out Friday all night on a drinking binge. Your friends who have kids have already been there done that and are helpful but at different stages than you may be with your kiddies. You find out quickly who your true friends are. New NICE and down to Earth moms are hard to come by. Not Impossible to find but it takes time and effort for sure.....You have to weed all those fake and incredibly Snobby (for being grown ass women with kids- where is the comradery?) ones out and amongst the flowers you will find a few special Mommy friends.
9) You undoubtedly will get what I refer to as Mushy Mommy Brain
You will not remember Shit. If you are like me and put everything in lists and on the calendar you probably still will not remember to check your freaking calendar. Simple daily tasks will need refresher courses. You will even forget how to speak. Yes. The everyday language you have spoken since a baby will often become your own personal language, words mush into one another, you think of one thing but say something entirely on the opposite spectrum. This is due to LACK OF SLEEP and PURE EXHAUSTION. See number 4.
10) ME time gets lost
Okay, so I am obviously not referring to the mommies with the nannies taking great care of their kids, homes, and unfortunately in some situations husbands because they get plenty of "Me" time. They are probably sipping wine with their other groupie moms laughing and then shopping before getting pedicures. I am not judging...just pointing out that these moms do exist and they are not in the same "Mom Category" as myself. I really could care less because I am not interested in all that. I just want to let you know that ME time has to be time manipulated into your day. Whether meditating, out with friends, a spa trip, reading a book with a cup of tea, Yoga (My personal favorite) or club hopping. You have to really make effort for this "ME" time. In the daily jumble of work, cooking, taking care of your kids, husband, and household...Time gets away. You have to grab a net and catch some..even if only a fraction of time once a week. This will help you maintain your sanity.
11) Mommies and Kids are Mean.....
This is a life lesson that we all will learn at one point or another and then BAM..you get hit with it again because you now have to watch your children learn this lesson as well. PEOPLE ARE MEAN!!! People will claw, stab, stomp, and pull to get what they want. Some people...not all! Then, as you will learn...their children will do the same.
12) Emotions run High
When your pregnant your hormones go sky diving. They get really crazy and then plunge hitting many different altitudes before landing back on solid calming ground. After pregnancy they pretty much do the same thing. Maybe you are watching a commercial about a kid sharing their crayons with another kid and suddenly you are sobbing. "It was just so kind."
Maybe you used to love watching horror movies but since having children can not because your mind now not only creates scenarios for you based on said horror film, but now your children as well.
You may cower into a corner and cry because you are SLEEP DEPRIVED and your baby is crying while your toddler is throwing toys everywhere. (This will pass...no shame in crying)
You will want to jump out of your skin, yell, cry, scream, or even go on an isolated Mommy only vacation.. You are not alone in this.
13) Comparison Monster Exist
In the whirlwind of new mommy-hood nobody tells you about the comparison monster. If you don't get control of this little monster it could possibly send you into the psych ward. You are a new mommy and are all of a sudden WORRIED about everything from whether you are feeding your baby often enough to whether their poop was "normal." Then, you meet other moms and watch their children of same age...then it begins. The Monster takes its little claws and starts scratching at those brain cells making you think, over analyze, and compare everything. RELAX. Your baby is an individual and will do things at his/her own pace. You will get a Yoda Mommy Gut feeling if something is truly wrong and can then discuss with your doctor accordingly. Otherwise, enjoy your little one/ones in all their unique glory because at the end of the day, do you really want them to be a replica of someone else? NOOOOOOOOOO! Unless of course it's you.
14) Never eat at multiple fast food chains in one day while pregnant...or ever
While pregnant with my 1st, I ate McDonald's, Taco Bell, Burger King, Wendy's, and Denny's in one day. Let's just say, itchy legs, belly, rash, some major tummy cramping and massive diarrhea cha cha cha later I was in the ER for false labor contractions. (Which apparently I was having every 2 minutes but didn't feel any pain. Only tummy cramping, but nothing to cry about.) I had a reaction to something I ate that day. Please even if you are craving 20 disgusting chain restaurant items...DON'T submerge in all. I speak from experience. TRUST ME!
15) Breast Feeding Hurts
So what I always heard was..."It shouldn't hurt if your doing it correctly and the baby is latched correctly." Bull DONKEY! With both of my children I had the 1-2 month hurdle to get over and it sucks. I am fortunate that I am able to nurse my children, and it was something that was very important to me. My first was in the NICU so I had to pump my breast to death to get little drops of milk to bring to the NICU. Eventually, my supply kicked in high gear but I still experienced, sore, cracked bleeding nipples. I even got Mastitis. There were times when I wanted to quit and times where I was so tired and/or stressed that I was praying for my milk to come back from a hiatus. My 2nd baby...same thing..for the first 1-2 months I experienced sore, cracking, bleeding nipples, and almost got an infection again but was able to get the clogged duct unclogged before an infection was a possibility. So, it does hurt, at least at first.
*These statements are based solely on my personal experiences and I wanted to share openly and honestly. They are things that people told me but Fluffed or things that I wish someone would have told me openly and honestly.*
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